Hello my lightbulbs!
I hope that you’re doing well. Our more frequent chats have meant a lot to me and I’m hoping to keep them going! I had originally written this post in early February and then lingered to post it. Since then, so much more has happened and I suppose it’s even more relevant.
This post was born from a growing existential dread that has been cultivating in my gut for a few months now – probably longer. The existential dread has been nurtured by increasingly frequent conversations about the lack of need for Feminism alongside rising crimes against women; GROK porn collages of non-consenting women and children; and a cultural view that women being angry about this is distasteful and deserving of further punishment and condemnation. The dread has been fed by sprouting global conflicts and the real-life impacts this has on people I care about – who fear the worst for their families in conflict zones. The dread has been watered by a thirteen year deadline on the globe’s healthy drinking water, coupled with a guilt-ridden dependence on Chat GPT to regulate and validate said fears. This dependence to Chat GPT has more easily fractured since learning of Open AI’s involvement in even more problematic areas. Sprinkled atop this existential trifle of doom, like bonito flakes, is a whimpering, burrowing helplessness that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop horrible things happening and the quality of my life diminishing through this helplessness.
So, what’s there to do? Surely there’s a simple fix to my bonito trifle of despair?
Well. I can’t snap my fingers or bribe or bully my worldview into reality. I can’t hack into drone strike commands and cancel the dropping of devastating arsenals onto families; men sharing stories over tea; children drawing pictures at their kitchen table; cats washing themselves atop a garden fence. I can’t speak to every person who believes that women, who are mad about the risk of being murdered because of their outfit or attitude, are the devil-incarnate with love and try to cultivate their empathy.
So… what actually is there to do?
While I’m sure that I’m nowhere near the end of my existential enquiry (I mean, I’m still trying to find myself in this whole mess) I do have some ideas. So if you’ve also been overwhelmed by the world lately – feeling like it’s this ever-changing place where you may not fully belong, then I’d like you to read on. I know how isolating this area of thought can be and feeling alone with those thoughts can exacerbate them. Maybe you find an idea or two that I’ve been trying that you could apply to your own life, reminding you of the power of your own light. I hope this blog reminds you how interconnected self-care is to caring for others, and vice versa.
Stay Informed
Information is power. Where there are gaps in understanding, they can be filled more easily with misinformation, fear and judgement. Keeping up to date with what is going on is a key factor in your power. How you stay informed, however, is more important. Scrolling, paralysed in overwhelm at short-form clips and news of horror stories from across the world is not doing you good. A Cortisol OD is not good for anyone.
So, speak to people to get your news or consume aggregated news sources for your information. I’ve heard Ground News is supposed to be a good source. I’d recommend setting a time limit too – overload is something to be avoided.
Think Critically
My current Masters research into the use of Generative AI and critical thinking has been… eye-opening. Reading or hearing information is one thing, but absorbing it and understanding it is another. Questioning why you’re getting the information you’re getting and the lens of the person/ source giving you that information is important. While I’ve been on a detox from Instagram for a while, there’s a creator called LouisaMunchTheory who I would really recommend you follow. She lectures Critical Theory and discusses complex topics in such accessible ways- always providing recommended readings for further research.
Seek Joy
While it may seem counterintuitive, I think seeking joy is key when the world feels dark. Being someone who seeks joy in difficulty is also seeking strength and harnessing resilience. It can be easy for others to use this joy-seeking against you – to try to embalm you with guilt – you clearly can’t care that much, I saw you laughing and having a good time not one hour ago. Try to not absorb this, you know it isn’t the case. Combined with critical thinking – we know that humans are much more complex than this.
So what brings you joy? What little thing could you do to introduce it? Last week, I made jelly for the first time since being a kid and it was so fun. I kept returning to the fridge and giving it a wobble and it genuinely made my day. Seeking joy, not comfort, can be found in human connection too. Once you have some joy building in your own life you can bring it to those more directly suffering and make their life a little brighter.
Give What You Can
Speaking of making someone’s life a little brighter – giving what you can is a really beautiful way to take back that sense of power. By donating to charity, spending time volunteering, reposting credible sources, writing poetry that makes people think, sharing stories that cultivate empathy, telling your friend who’s having a hard time that you love them – you are making a direct impact. You are actively making the world a better place and actions like that have such far-reaching ripples.
Encourage Empathy
Think of a group of people that you might struggle to understand, or even ‘hate’ – hold them in your mind. It helps if you can imagine them in detail; their hair colour, clothes, etc. See if you can imagine one of the children sprinting clumsily into their kitchen – door bouncing off the wall they’ve ran into so quickly. They lurch themselves at a glass of water on the side and start to drink it – dramatically. That drink that kids do; face pressed right up to the glass, heavy breathing and gulping sounds one after another. They finish the drink and have a ring around their lips from the pressure of the glass. After imagining this, try to imagine how this child grew up, the decisions they made and how they felt about their decisions. What does joy look like on this child? Guilt? Excitement? Anger? Instead of a 2D cut-out, imagine this as a fully fleshed person, complex and messy and trying their best with the pressures and expectations and experiences that have clung to them.
Remember Humanity
This seems very abstract and philosophical – but I mean this in a much simpler way. It can be easy when using data and video and hearing third-hand interpretations of events – to forget that we’re talking about human beings. No human is invincible, and no human is powerless.
I was driving home the other day – I spend at least two hours a day in my car, commuting, so I get to see a lot. It was dark and I was driving past a row of houses. In the rain, a teenage boy was running in the wind and rain with a small bouquet of flowers. Teenage boys with flowers are one of the most beautiful things to me. I don’t care who the flowers are for – themself, mum, girlfriend, grandparent, teacher. The image of teenager, hunched with that nagging adolescent insecurity that never fully leaves us, clutching crinkling plastic with a half torn price sticker, trying to keep the petals intact fills me with warmth.
I got to thinking then, of other moments or scenarios that remind me of how beautiful human beings are. I thought of when I was in Istanbul and saw Turkish men hunched over tiny glass teacups talking with friends and stroking the wandering cats. Or Japanese grandma’s gesturing emphatically to give me directions. I thought of those beautiful moments in class, like when a Kurdish asylum seeker and a single mum from Liverpool laugh over a theory we’re covering or complain to me about their fast-approaching deadline. I thought of a middle-aged man holding his phone arm’s length from his face to read a text that makes him laugh, or a kid at the gym shuffling excitedly for their swimming lesson.
This applies to you too. When we remember humanity, please remember your own. Remember that there will have been so many moments of your life when you have unknowingly inspired someone else or made them smile, just by being yourself. Human beings are not one thing and that variety and complexity, those layers are absolutely beautiful.
I’m glad you’re here and I’m happy you read this post. It’s a special one for me and I hope that it works to comfort you a little. I think you’re fab, and there will be tens or hundreds of people who feel the same. Not because you are attractive or successful in work or because you have a body fat percentage of X%. They think you’re fab because of the way you move down the street, or the way that you laugh, how you listen to people and drink your tea, what your face looks like just before you assert yourself or deliver the punchline of a joke. They think you’re fab because of how you live and how you care. They think you’re fab because you’re a human, just like everyone else.
I’m here if you want to talk – drop me a comment or an email and I’ll get back to you.
Stay Positive.
Love,
Jess x
AKARUI LIFESTYLE 