In my last post I told you all about my exciting and exhausting application to get onto the JET programme. Since that post I received my result…
… and I got accepted!
After taking some time to let it all sink in, I realised that this means that in less than three months I’ll be flying to Japan from Heathrow Airport and starting the biggest adventure of my life so far. I’ll be teaching English to Japanese children whilst eating, sleeping and breathing Japanese culture for a year!
Now this post wasn’t just to brag (although I am proud of my little self!) but to talk through the emotions that came with this result, because there were a lot of them!
After the interview, there’s quite the wait (over a month) and so I found myself putting the result to the back of my mind, focusing on my uni work and continuing life as normal.
This had its hurdles.
Whilst continuing my life as normal, I began to realise how happy I was and how much I was cherishing the time I had with certain people in my life, including some people that I hadn’t expected. This led to a little prodding at the back of my mind, hoping that, maybe, I wouldn’t get in. I had tried my best and so if I was rejected, the control was out of my hands and I could live without the regret of turning down such an amazing opportunity.
So, when I got accepted I was at a cross roads. I was sort of numbed by the extreme poles of emotions I was feeling. On one hand I was ABSOLUTELY exhilarated at the thought of the endless experiences and lessons I was going to encounter living in a country that I have loved since being young. On the other, I was dreading living alone on the other side of the world and, more than this, I couldn’t shake a heavy clump of sadness.
The last few years for me has been a little rocky and I always pride myself on my strength through it all. I was also very aware of the help and support that I had to get through it and my debt to those people who were there. So, the thought of leaving them, being away from their support and love really hurt. Then there were those who hadn’t been in my life for too long, but had turned a light on in my that I didn’t even know I had. I was completely stuck with what to do, knowing that this situation wouldn’t stay the same with me living over 6000 miles away.
It turned out that this was one decision that I wouldn’t have to make; it was agreed that I had an unmissable opportunity and that parting ways, for now at least, was the best thing to do. This absolutely destroyed me, because although it was a painful and difficult decision, I knew that it was the right thing to do. The weirdest thing was that, with most break-ups or broken friendships, there is usually anger, but this wasn’t the case. There was no anger whatsoever, instead just a cluster of hilarious, amazing, soul-warming memories and a lot of love. It was this final push that I needed.
This decision has been THE hardest of my life. It has been so difficult because when I make a decision, I stick with it and only make it when I’ve ensured that I won’t regret it. I will be away from everything familiar; friends and family, my best friend that I’ve never been far from since nursery, my kittens, my bed that I bought with my mum when I moved out, my little Nissan Micra, my LANGUAGE, specials (or smacks if you’re weird) from Chipmunk’s chippy, scouse cab drivers, chavs roaming the streets with their hands down their trackie bottoms and every little thing that makes home the amazing, hilarious, raffish and warm place that it is.
Even with all this loss, there’s so much to gain. I’m going to be living somewhere completely new on my own and I feel ready (or as ready as I can be) for all the challenges that this’ll bring. I’ve always done best in adversity and I know that I’ll continue to. I’ll be teaching people about the language and culture that I adore and learning about one too and while all of these reasons should be enough, my main reason for my 1 year stay in Japan is that I want to get to know myself again.
Being swallowed by the routine of everyday distances you from yourself and hitting refresh is exactly what I need to remind myself what hilarious and in all-round amazing company I can be. It’s scary but I feel ready, excited and I honestly can’t wait.
Sometimes I may not see you for a week,
Don’t think of this as a burden,
Just a grander hide and seek.
And when you find me,
I’ll be happy to be out.
Your words are one thing I can’t believe that I’ve ever lived without.