2.6.24 – Long Time, No Speak!

Hello my little lightbulbs!

How are you?

I have been digitally absent from you for over a year now! Like a whimsical free spirit in a D&D campaign I floated away to complete some independent quests and I have returned to the tavern of our friendship to swap stories! How’s this year treated you? What warm and loving memories have you created? Have you stumbled across any hurdles this year, learned any new lessons? Maybe you’ve been reminded of a lesson you’ve encountered before; but need a few reruns before that lesson sinks in? If so, you’re not alone – we’ve all been there!

As this is long overdue, I’ll give you a brief recap of how things have been for me in the gap that we haven’t spoken. So from April 2023 to now, here are some things that have happened.

July 2023: I watched my big sister graduate and become a CBT therapist. This was such a proud moment – all of her hard work paid off and this qualification works as hardcore evidence to prove how capable she is of such a difficult job! I’m so lucky to be part of a family who care so much about other people, and events like this act as a reminder.

I also attended the Vegan Campout for the second time. The festival was fun – like last year it had amazing food, wellness and fitness activities, and I got to see a psychic this time who knew a LOT about my past! The only downside was that the festival seemed a little more commercial than last year –  with more litter than before, and the new addition of a funfair. Despite the rides being cool – it seemed to clash with the holistic, organic, environmentally-friendly vibe of the festival from last year. A sign of the end times? Or was I just being grouchy?

August 2023: I watched the Barbie film with my mum. Cineworld had debuted their veggie hot dogs and I was so excited – we had a blast. To this day, that has been the only time that I could get veggie hotdogs at that cinema – due to low demand! So sad!

September 2023: I took a solo trip to Zadar in Croatia; where I ate some wonderful food, visited cool attractions, and made an absolute fool out of myself at the beach because I thought I saw a shark. It was my own foot.

October 2023: I celebrated Halloween, my joint favourite holiday, twice! My other favourite is pancake day – because who doesn’t love a day where inhaling sweet treats is not only accepted, but encouraged.

November 2023: I travelled to London to meet a friend! This was quite the last-minute plan, but most definitely worth it.

I moved into my new house with Stan. While this time was quite stressful, with ongoing work and study commitments, I can now definitely say that it was worth it. I absolutely love my rental house and the space and freedom it affords!

December 2023: I celebrated Christmas with my family and created vision boards for New Years. I decided that rather than going out for New Years, doing something a little more wholesome and intentional would work better this time round.

I also watched Grave of the Fireflies on NYE, which was an interesting way to start off the new year. On reflection, it became a very poignant and relevant choice – beginning the year with the recognition of the damage and longevity of war, something that would become more and more focal as 2024 unravels.

December was the month that I started to become more active regarding supporting Palestine. Alongside donating to UNRWA, I began to attend peaceful protests to raise awareness about the atrocities being committed in Gaza. This was an important decision for me because the thought of being complicit with the UK Government’s decisions relating to Palestinians filled me with a thick feeling of dread and shame; as well as powerlessness.

The decision came with some kickback, often with people asking me what real impact a protest makes. Other than solidarity; a reminder of the presence of choice, a visible representation of support; engagement with a passionate, caring community; and an opportunity to receive information directly from Palestinian people – I think the real impact that a protest has, like any act of resistance to genocide, is knowing that you cannot be aligned with the decisions made by your country leaders.

To resist is to actively move away from complicity or contribution to the horrors. While we could always do more, it’s important that we do something. I’m happy to share resources or ideas to help if you’re unsure of how to help. My main advice on this topic is to do things that remind you that you are not powerless – for example, there are countless fundraisers created by Palestinian people impacted by the war, and your donations would make a real difference to those people. Having conversations or creating art or music to raise awareness is another method you could try. In the end, what matters is that you’re trying.

January 2024: I travelled to Vienna and witnessed the de-icing of a plane for the first time, saw The Kiss in person, and visited a lot of galleries and museums. Before travelling to Vienna, I highly recommend you watch Before Sunrise and listen to Billy Joel!

February 2024: I went to bingo for the first time, and won £26… my yacht now sits in St Peters Port, Guernsey.

March 2024: I broke my toe in a very uncool way. Not during martial arts training, not during a cool battle, but walking into my bed at night-time. This injury put an abrupt halt to my gradual return to running, which in turn knocked my confidence. There’s always time to return to the things we enjoy – and patience is key!

May 2024: I tried to see the Northern Lights in the UK, after missing the first night due to an early night brought on by overwork exhaustion and period pains. I was unsuccessful in my efforts.

Since we last spoke, I also started and have now completed a PG Diploma in Education! This means that I am finally a fully-fledged teacher. The course was definitely intense – with a seemingly endless carousel of tasks and assignments to complete – but it was worth it. I feel like I actually understand why the things I do in my practice may/ may not work – and that’s a big anxiety buster. Of course there’s still a long way to go, but I’m excited to see where I end up.

Alongside the benefits of the course, came another reminder to myself that I have some personal areas to continue to work on. These largely focus on perfectionism, prioritisation and work-life balance. Things like work, studies, wellbeing, fitness, food hygiene, hobbies and relationships have been juggled – at times poorly, but always with good intentions – to meet some of the many goals I create for myself. The prioritisation of work, studies and relationship maintenance had meant that for a long time my fitness and food hygiene were impacted. To try and rebalance this with grace and compassion, I’m beginning to slowly implement healthier habits and sweep some time together every few days for movement. We can never be 100% in every area of our lives, so if you’re beating yourself up, like I do, for not being on top of your skincare routine, or your fitness regime, or for not catching up with friends often enough – please remember this.

One way that I try to nourish my fitness, wellness, and appease my calling for the outdoors is through hiking – as I’m sure you’ll already know. One hike that I absolutely loved was Brecon Beacons. We climbed in August and the weather was divine, with the peak offering amazing views!

A hike that was memorable for all the wrong reasons was Stickle Ghyll… where I thought I came face to face with death. The route we took was so steep that at one point I was on hands and knees, clinging for my life to loose sogs of grass. There was a sheep’s skull watching my panicked climb – which did not quell my fear of impending demise. After at least an hour of incline, I wedged my foot against a rock, pressed my back into the hill and looked down. This, of course, was a terrible mistake and my body started to tremble all over. I looked back up instead and across to an imposing mountain. In that moment, Wordsworth’s Prelude made sense – that complete recognition, awe, and terror of the power of nature rang exceptionally true. After my mini-epiphany, and amazing support from my friend, I scurried up the rest of the way.

The final achievement that I’ll be sharing is that I have been able to manage, receive, and pay my first ever tax return! As someone who is not very financially-tuned, this had me quaking in my boots for a very long time. And now it’s completed, with next year’s hopefully being a little easier. As a result, I am feeling very very adulty indeed!

With that, I think you’re pretty much all caught up! That’s what’s been going on for me while I’ve been away. And I’m happy to tell you that I’m writing this blog in… Japan!

I decided to use my course’s early finish to get some cheaper flights and visit friends. I had to leave Japan in such a hurry that the goodbyes had been very short and incomplete. So far, I’ve visited twenty different cherished friends and adopted family and it’s overwhelming how much love remains – despite the temporal and geographical distance.

The trip has, in all honesty, been pretty turbulent. Four days into the trip, I lost my bag containing my passport, travel money, and the suddenly-extortionately-priced JR Pass. In my time of despair, my host family came to the rescue – let me stay with them, and helped me find my bag the day after. This moment of sheer panic really hit home and brought back some feelings that I didn’t realise I had left in Japan in 2020. So far, there have been a lot of feelings to process. There’s been love, overwhelming gratitude, appreciation, awe of the sublime presence of nature, hopelessness at the state of the world, stress, anxiety, loneliness, grief, pride, and self-understanding.

While all of these feelings may seem excessive so early into the trip – it’s what happens when you’re running at 120 mph and suddenly slow down. I’m sure I’m not the only one to experience this overwhelming feeling when the schedule begins to quieten down. And maybe, if I’m being vulnerable enough to admit it, that might be some of the appeal of being so busy sometimes. The busyness can work to distract you from big feelings that would otherwise plant themselves on your lap and demand your attention. Despite the difficulty of these feelings, it is important to grant them their attention when you’re ready. So that’s what I’m doing in Japan. I’m sitting with my big feelings – inspecting, watering, and pruning them – before I pop them back in the greenhouse and returning to the present.

I truly hope that you’ve been keeping well and even if I’m not around in the sense of blogs – remember that you can always reach out to me to chat. Be that if you’ve got some awesome news to tell me, or if you’re feeling a bit stuck, down, or alone. I may not always have amazing advice, but I will listen – and sometimes that’s all we need, right? 

I’m hoping to speak to you guys again soon, or at least sooner than in fourteen months! Until then,

Stay Positive.

Love,

Jess